it's for a creative writing contest, and I want to win 1st place to make up for other events I haven't participated in. It's a work in progress, so I'm not completely done writing. I just want some quick feedback to let me know if the story is capable of being 1st place material so I could finish it up and hand it in to my teacher.
The story can't exceed 1200 words, so I have about 2 more journal entries I open to write. It's supposed to be in relation to Hawaii and the writer (me). The point is to trigger emotions and make the judges somehow 'relate' to the story. The purpose of my story is to let the reader realize that too many expectations can hurt you, and experiencing different lifestyles/cultures is an opportune advantage in maturing.
My character is a 16 year old high school student, who is going to spend his summer break in hawaii without his family, friends, and with a local host family.
February 13, 2010
It was weird because it all seemed to be so real. The dream, i mean. The one I had last night, where i was a Menehune, standing in a pit of poi, whilst spying on the Hawaiian Santa, who was eating shaved ice under a grass hut at Waikiki. I guess all of those brochures of Hawaii I’ve been reading about for the past few weeks have collectively meshed into one condensed Hawaiian dream in my subconscious mind.
I’m really excited to be going to Hawaii, but not because of the gorgeous beaches or lax nature, but because I’ll be traveling there as an individual, without my parents or friends. I’ll be staying with a host family that will guide me through Oahu during the summer. I want to walk through the maze at Dole, watch Hula dances and fire breathers, see Diamond Head, surf some waves, and taste some globby purple poi (which looks like a dessert, but maybe they eat it the war I eat mashed potatoes. Or perhaps it’s like wasabi or ketchup).
Maybe I’ve got too many expectations. All I really know about Hawaii is from Lost, Blue Crush, Lilo & Stitch, and my little collection of brochures of course. And Hawaii apparently has some sort of language different than American English. I don’t remember exactly what that girl from Kauai (of which I met on the train last year) said, but I hope whatever language they speak there is comprehensible. I also heard that Oahu looks more like here, or the mainland than the other islands, so I guess my hopes of living in a grass shack next to the beach are over. What else did that girl say? I think it was something about racial discrimination? I’m not certain about it, but if there is racial tension, I hope my host family will accept me as I am.
Anticipating this trip is really working my nerves, so before I get too excited about this two-week trip that’s still a lengthy four months away, I’ll focus on school for a while before writing my next entry.
Me,
Julio-Esequiel
______ ..~V~.. ______
May 25, 2010
I’ve got about a month left here, before I leave for my trip. I had the opportunity to chat with my host family on the phone for a few minutes, and they seem like ordinary people. I was on their speaker, while both parents talked to me while my host brother was in the background listening and (loudly) whispering side comments about the way I talk to my host sister. They’re kind and funny, and are willing to help me get the best out of my experience there. I hope I don’t disappoint their thoughts of me as an ambassador of the the mainland, California specifically, because they have met up to my expectations of a host family already.
I didn’t really learn much about Hawaii during our short chat. We were just introducing ourselves with small talk.
Me,
J-Esequiel
______ ..~V~.. ______
22 June 2010
Today I learned how much expectations can kick you in the ****. Before I left Cali, I anticipated a smooth ride on the plane, safe landing, and to find my family waiting for me as soon as I stepped out of the plane. After friendly greetings and receiving leis (like on TV) my family would then drive me to their home to get me accommodated with a nice afternoon reserved for relaxation from the plane ride.This is not what happened.
After my flight with the lady who complained about how unhygienic the headphones provided in the backseats are, and how the toilet has no water, and how the pillows are so hard, and how the blankets are too small, and how I was simultaneously listening to her with an earplug in one ear, I arrived at the Honolulu International Airport and nearly hopped off the place.
I saw leis being given to others, and I looked at many faces that weren’t looking at me. My family was no where in sight.
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